Games Meet Metal: Sony Unveils New Handheld, Give Entire Gaming World Major Cock Tease

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Thursday, January 27, 2011

Sony Unveils New Handheld, Give Entire Gaming World Major Cock Tease

There it is folks, the PSP2! Er, I mean Next Generation Portable, or NGP for short. Oh hell, it's not really that either. NGP is just a code name for whatever they wanna call the damn thing in the end. As of right now, "it" looks like a pretty powerful piece of hardware, at least more powerful than the Nintendo 3DS. Of course, the PSP was way beefier than the original DS, and we know how that turned out. Still, there's always potential as well as fuckups, so let's list off the awesome, the "meh" , and the "GO FUCK YOURSELF!!"

The Awesome:

1. Finally, dual analog thumbsticks! First person shooters will feel right! Solid Snake won't feel weird to control! Kratos can combat roll properly! Honestly, I wasn't a real hater on the nipple nub of the PSP, but the lack of a second one really goobered up the controls of any series wanting to make a portable version. So, problem solved there.

2. So puuuurty: The screen on that thing is hella nice. Thanks to all the technology crammed into the thing, it sure made for awesome graphics. A demo of the first Uncharted looked great on the system's screen, as did a port of Yakuza 4. Sony was touting near-PS3 graphics, and it looks like the system can pull it off.

The "Meh":

1. The design is actually pretty dull looking. If not for the second analog stick, then it would just look like a well rounded PSP-1000. Actually, come to think of it, that's one of the bigger problems with the 3DS, in that it looks way too much like it's ancestors. Speaking of that....

2. Multiple cameras. A touch screen. Social connectivity. Sound familiar? Look, I don't have a problem with Sony wanting some of Nintendo's magic. It's Sony's attempt at getting more market share. It's capitalism, and I support it, Move and all. It just feels like they're taking the Home Improvement approach to console design by attaching a HEMI motor to a 3DS and just changed the branding.


1. Where's the PS2 love? The whole Sony gang were stroking themselves over how the system can play near-perfect PS3 games, and also how their new Android service can pimp out PSOne games. Not a damn thing for PS2. C'mon guys! PS3 owners have been barking for PS2 backwards compatibility and downloads for years now. Those HD rereleases look good, but they already looked good the first time around.

2. The price. Let's not kid ourselves. This thing is gonna be expensive. Silly expensive. This technology in this thing is top-notch, so the price is gonna have to reflect it. I'm gonna go ahead say $400, and that's on the cheap side. Of course, people are gonna look at that price, look at the 3DS's cheaper price and go that route.  Now, I could be wrong, and they'll release it at a more competitive price. I don't think that'll happen, though.

It's still too early to say whether the NGP is worth a pickup, as there's no concrete launch titles yet, just a few promises. So DON"T PRE-ORDER YET!! E3 is a little over 5 months away, so we should know much more by then.

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