Games Meet Metal: Two Worlds II: The Riff Review

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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Two Worlds II: The Riff Review


This game is all about idiots, douchebags, assholes, pricks, and seriously mentally ill people. Here, let me explain.


Like any good fantasy role playing game, Two Worlds II has you starting off in a grand castle. One little problem though: it's the bad guy's castle, and you've been imprisoned there for five years. The evil wizard Gandahar wasn't too fond of you messing up his plans in the first game (of which I missed out on), and decided to fuck your shit up for quite a long time. To double up the douchiness, he captured your sister and is making her the vessel for the game's Antichrist. Then, a group of five ugly orcs, and one hot orc, break in and save your ass. You're then tasked with finding the source of Gandahar's power asap.



Now, as in most western RPG's, the main plot quickly takes the back seat to questing. You can revisit the main story whenever you want, but doing so is pretty much suicide, as quests are the main key to gaining levels and money. To get these quests, you have to talk to a bunch of NPC's, and they'll grant you these quests after some backlog story.



Now, this is where the whole "dickheads, jackasses" thing from earlier fits in. About 95% of the game's population is completely mad. Just about every quest you go on you're screwing someone over, murdering someone for some reason, stealing, beating up, or even getting screwed yourself if the NPC only wants to pay you a fourth of the money. If it wasn't for the fact that the guards come down on you hard should you flash your sword, otherwise you'd be committing your own form of genocide. The payoff here is that the quests are actually fun! Even if that young wizard in magic school  was a hack and was planning to kill you all along, it's hella great to exact your revenge and loot his corpse afterwards. That's the main draw of the game. For every asshole that bites at ya, there's almost always a good deal of karma coming his way. Usually in the form of a sword to the head.



As far as graphics, the world of TWII is pretty picturesque. It goes from plains to desert to an Arabian setting to an Oriental city. They even have their own apocalyptic center where a magical H-bomb went off, to a scary recreation of backwoods Kentucky with the hillbilly accents included. Speaking of speaking, the spoken audio leaves a bit to be desired. A lot of the speech is really super cheesy and poorly placed, and also kind of shows that the game was made on a real tight budget. Sometimes the speech doesn't synch up with the character's movements. Even worse, the graphics occasionally take a dive into broken game hell. It kind of looks like the Matrix decided to down an entire bottle of Jameson.



The controls work pretty fine. One button swings swords, and one button blocks. Hey, I can live with that. There's also the option to use arrows or magic. I was never a good aim, so I mostly stayed away from them. As for magic, you can combine cards and spell effects to increase your spell's potency, but I found the system
to be too clunky. Plus, not every combination has the desired effect. So in the end, I stuck with sharp things. Even then, you can upgrade your favorite weapons and armor with dismantled pieces of other weapons and armor. The process is a bit tedious, but you'll be one bad ass knight if you keep up with it.



Despite the minor glitch here or there, Two Worlds II is still a wonderful RPG for those who are needing more of a Dragon Age or Elder Scrolls style of game to play. Just don't expect every character to give you a high five, as they're likely to anally rape you the second you pass.

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